Deepest ocean...

Two months passed by since our first encounter and I never saw since. I passed by the club a couple of times and strangely I found myself everytime in a fight with the same guys. I couldn´t find her. The only thing I managed was to start looking like Edward Norton in "Fight Club", a real mess. I decided I shouldn´t go there anymore. People at work were starting to feel unease with all the bruises. Like I cared. Like I cared...

Ever since I met I no longer cared about what anyone would think about me. I was all about myself. Work was again something I did for myself and not just something the company demanded, my mind seem to expand every day, I felt more aware of my surrondings. Even though I stoped going to the bar there was something that compelled me to go there again. My blood was boiling. Anger. Frustration. Hate. Hurt. Desire. Passion. Rage. Love...?

My mind was in turmoil. I became more and more confused with the passing days. Why? What could it be? What was the reason?

Guys at work said I looked more confident. They were right. I was. But I felt hell inside me, in my mind, in my heart. I started to feel a dark shadow over me. It empowered me, my agressiveness grew more and more. My rivals feared me and my friends looked up to me, only bcause they felt "safe" near, as long they wouldn´t piss me off. I knew they were as scared as everybody else. But I didn´t care, until that day.

I went of to the bar near the office like every day, but there was something different. It was all the same yet everything was different. I couldn´t point the finger at it but after a while I stopped looking or caring. Instead I realized someone was watching me. A beatiful woman, long dark hair, blue eyes, slightly dark skin. A real gift from God to men. Or at least to the guy she was with. Twice my size. After a few more drinks I could only see her and I stopped being discreet, has did she. Her boyfriend wasn´t very happy about it so he decided to defend his position as the "alpha male". He came to me, confident with his size, and told I should stop hitting on his girlfriend before something bad might happen. With a few "shots" running through my veins I couldn´t care about what he could say or do, so I simply replied the only bad thing that could happen, to him, was me walking out of the bar with his girl. Obviously no one would take that kind of crap so he decided it was "go time". She was thrilled seeing 2 man fighting over her. My blood was boilling. He raised his hand to punch me, using all the strenght he had. My blood was cold, my mind became still. At the same time everybody on the table jumped out of their chairs to avoid getting involved. My blood was cold, my mind was still and my eyes met his. His fist came down with mighty hanger. My blood became vapor, my mind went berserk and my eyes instilled fear in his very soul. A quick dodge, a powerful hit on his ribs and he flinched. With one hand I grabbed him by his neck and shoved his face against the wall. His forehead was bleeding and he was stunned. His girlfriend came screaming, crying and held him. I grabbed her arm and pulled her to me. I looked into her eyes and saw fear.

- First you were flirting with me and you were thrilled seeing 2 man fighting over you, now you´re crying for that idiot?!

- What are you doing?! You´re crazy! Let go of me!

- Why? I thought the winner took the prize!

- You´re hurting me! Stop it!

I smelled a familiar fragrance. My blood freezed, my mind was empty and my eyes went blank. I looked at her but it wasn´t her. It was the one I had been looking for for the past few months, she was crying. No! It was the girl from the bar! I was going crazy, my mind was playing tricks on me. I froze in panic. I had to get out of their.

I grabbed my coat and started running out the door. When I realized I was at the beach. Tears were running down my face. I was on my knees facing the ocean. A thunder roared apparently right above me. All I could see was a clear sky filled with stars. A sense of desperation took over me. I screamed on the top of my lungs. It felt better, but still that feelling agravated. A hand touched my shoulder.

- That was quite a show in that bar. To bad you didn´t pull those stunts when we first met. - I didn´t turn around, I was to afraid it would be another trick of my imagination and that she would go away again. - Last time you saved me from 4 bullies, now you beat the hell out of a guy twice your size but you can´t face me?

- Yes!

- You do know it´s very rude to turn your back on another person?

- I didn´t turn it. It was already turned.

- Actually you passed running by me, so technically you did turn your back on me.

- Why are you mocking me?

- That´s what I do. Make people smile. - She was right. She made me smile. Something I wasn´t able to do in quite sometime. It wasn´t that long, but for me it seemed like ages. I turned around to see her and there she was. No allucination this time. - Now, can you please tell me what the hell was that all about?!

- What?

- That stupid fight! Fighting a guy for his girlfriend?! Last time I saw you fight you were defending me from guys with similar behavior you had today, and now all of a sudden you´re going caveman over somebody else´s girl?! If I knew you were like that I would never had taken you home.

- I´m not. For the past few months I´ve been becoming this. I don´t know exactly why but for some reason I´ve become crescently more agressive. I think it started the night we met.

- Yeah, fights tend to do that to someone. On the other hand, people usually have something called self-control wich apparently you´ve been losing or at least not interested in use it. I dont´t like neither option. You fought to protect, now you are becoming a bullie. Why is that?

- I don´t know. When I met you something changed, you inspired confidence in me and for some reason I´ve been thinking of you every day.

- You went berserk over me?! You barely know me and so far the only thing you got from me were bruises! Wake up!

- It weren´t just bruises, it was something else. A new sensation, something I never felt before.


- Yes. It´s called freedom. It usually happens when we are not bound by the parameters of society and we live our own lives without letting anyone interfere wih us. As long we don´t interfere with others. What? You thought because you survived a bar brawl, you could go on a power trip thinking your invincible?! Grow up! And you know what?! I´m gone, I thought for once I found someone decent. I guess I just found another jerk!

And just like that, she was gone. I just stayed there. Waiting. Hoping she would come back. I knew she wouldn´t. She wasn´t that stupid. The city was asleep for sometime. I started walking towards home. The lights went out. Crossing town felt like taking a plunge in the deepest ocean. The ocean of my thoughts. Wind and rain came. I wasn´t beeing cleanse this time, but punished. I deserved it. Once I got home, taking a shower was in order, it felt good, like ice on a bruise. When there´s no light at all any light calls our attention. It was the moon and the stars. A full moon. I had never seen a moon so bright and so big like that one. The blackout continued but I could see the city, and the stars. So many stars. It´s hard to see them in the city. So many and so bright.

- It seems that even in darkness we can find a light to guide us. You were right. I am an idiot. I´m sorry.

I turned around and before I could take the first step to go to my room, a thunder roared over the building and a lightning tore the skies apart and hit the beach.

- Don´t worry. I´ll find you!